Mistakes Were Made (But Not by Me)

Carol Tavris, Elliot Aronson

At some point we all make a bad decision, do something that harms another person, or cling to an outdated belief.  When we do, we strive to reduce the cognitive dissonance that results from feeling that we, who are smart, moral, and right, just did something that was dumb, immoral, or wrong. Whether the consequences are trivial or tragic, it is difficult, and for some people impossible, to say, “I made a terrible mistake.” The higher the stakes—emotional, financial, moral—the greater that difficulty. Self-justification, the hardwired mechanism that blinds us to the possibility that we were wrong, has benefits: It lets us sleep at night and keeps us from torturing ourselves with regrets. But it can also block our ability to see our faults and errors. It legitimizes prejudice and corruption, distorts memory, and generates anger and rifts. It can keep prosecutors from admitting they put an innocent person in prison and from correcting that injustice, and it can keep politicians unable to change disastrous policies that cost billions of dollars and thousands of lives. In our private lives, it can be the death of love. Mistakes Were Made (But Not by Me) examines: - Why we have so much trouble accepting information that conflicts with a belief we “know for sure” is right. - The brain’s “blind spots” that make us unable to see our own prejudices, biases, corrupting influences, and hypocrisies. - Why our memories tell more about what we believe now than what really happened then. - How couples can break out of the spiral of blame and defensiveness. - The evil that men and women can do in the name of God, country, and justice -- and why they don’t see their actions as evil at all. - Why random acts of kindness create a “virtuous cycle” that perpetuates itself. Most of all, this book explains how all of us can learn to own up and let go of the need to be right, and learn from the times we are wrong—so that we don't keep making the same mistakes over and over again. http://www.mistakesweremadebutnotbyme.com/